What I've felt what I've known

Sometimes I feel more like myself.
And, there is definitely something is wrong with me or may be there is something wrong with everything else.
And, then I doubt myself. Am I what I am? Or is the world not what it is?
I have no idea. Sometime, I feel proud of being what I am. Some other times, I feel I am very stupid. Or at least everyone else is pretty sure that this guy is pretty stupid.
The only thing that I don't like about myself that I try to please people at many times. I must have conviction about whatever I do and I lack that. It sends a whole lot of wrong signals.
I have a very bad judgement about people.
And I just don't get social ques. Whoa..
And here, whatever I don't like about myself, ends. Pretty scary.
But why do I still live despite being so awful and inept. Despite being a total useless thing.
Because I am soo good, adorable.
I have seen a lot of beautiful people. But none beats me. Till this date.
No one I ever met, I found having as much integrity as me. This single thing sets me apart from everyone else on the planet. I am soo good. Money is not attractive. If there is one person to say that, its me. One may feel may be I have not seen that much of money. But I have.
I am intelligent. Not many people beat me, working side by side. I don't have a high IQ. I just trust my common sense. Some do beat me. And, I don't get jealous. I want to work with them, more.
I don't get jealous. I just don't feel it. There are better people and not as good people. Then, why should I get jealous. I don't get it. I just like being part of the crowd.
I love my family. I don't like the pressure they are putting me under these days. And they don't understand me. But, often, they are the people. They love you. And I love them. Nothing beats the leisure of having tea with everyone in the same room and discussing trivialities of life.
I am NON-JUDGMENTAL. Judgemental people put me off. Only God should judge. I don't judge me, other people.

And, I am dead. Just on matrix sort of auto pilot. Occasionally, some one finds my tomb and gets curious what is inside. I see light. Then, they cover me back. No commiserations, they don't even leave flowers after they saw me. I thought they had brought the candle for the peace of my soul.